Junie B Jones

This girl is HILARIOUS!! I never remembered reading Junie B Jones when I was younger. One of my favorite little girls in the world, though, was reading it to me the other day and I was literally cackling outloud. It was hilarious. Being a future kindergarten teacher, I was thinking how much I hope I have a student who is just like that. There are 28 books that follow Junie B.'s life throughout kindergarten and first grade. This excerpt shows a little bit of tiny Junie B.'s BIG personality.

Chapter 5: My Worstest Night Ever

It was my worstest night ever.

I didn't sleep any winks.

That's because I had to keep my eyes open. Or else the monster wouldn't stay invisible.

I heard Mother and Daddy go to bed.

"GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY! GOOD NIGHT! IT'S ME! IT'S JUNIE B. JONES! I AM STILL AWAKE IN HERE. 'CAUSE I CAN'T EVEN CLOSE MY EYES OR THE MONSTER WILL COME!"

Mother and Daddy didn't yell back.

"PLUS HERE'S ANOTHER THING I NEED TO TELL YOU! DON'T TURN OUT THE HALL LIGHT. PLUS DON'T SHUT MY DOOR! PLUS DON'T SHUT YOUR DOOR, EITHER!"

"Go to sleep!" grouched Mother.

I smiled very relieved.

"It was good to hear your voice," I said real soft.

After that, Mother and Daddy got in bed. And they turned out their light.

Daddy started to snore.

"Oh no," I said. "Now he won't even be awake to save me if the monster comes."

I pulled Philip Johnny Bob out of my covers.

"I will save you," he said. "I will squirt water in the monster's face. Plus I will stomple him with my giant elephant feet. And so now you can close your eyes. And you don't even have to worry about that guy."

I looked and looked at him.

"Yeah, only here's the problem," I said. "You're not actually strong 'cause you just have fluffy in you. Plus also you can't really squirt water. And so who am I kidding here?"

Philip Johnny Bob stared at me a real long time.

Then he went back under the covers.

Just then, I heard feet in the hall.

It was monster feet, I think!

They kept getting closer and closer to me.

Then pretty soon they runned right in my room!

And guess what?

It was my dog, Tickle! That's what!

"Tickle! Tickle! I am so glad to see you! 'Cause now you can protect me from the monster! And so why didn't I think of this before?"

I pulled back my covers and patted for him to jump up.

"Here, Tickle! You can sleep right on my pillow! 'Cause Mother won't even find out about this!"

Then Tickle springed right up there. And he runned all around on my bed.

He put his head under my sheets and runned down to my feet.

"No, Tickle!. No! No! You have to come back up here! Or else how will you even protect me?"

I pulled him back up.

He put his paws on Raggedy Larry. And chewed his red hair.

"No, Tickle! No! No!" I said.

Just then, Tickle springed over me. And he landed on my elephant named Philip Johnny Bob.

He holded him by his trunk. And shaked that guy all around.

I saved Philip Johnny Bob just in time.

Then I pushed Tickle off my bed. And he runned out of my room.

Philip Johnny Bob was very upset.

I petted his trunk.

Also, I hugged Raggedy Larry.

Only too bad for me. 'Cause just then Raggedy Ruth fell right out of my bed. On account of the dumb sheets weren't tucked in anymore.

Me and Raggedy Larry peeked over the side at her.

"Get her, said Raggedy Larry.

"Yeah, only I I>can't/I> get her," I said real upset. "Or else the monster will grab my hand and pull me right under the bed."

I thought about what to do.

Then -- all of a sudden -- I picked up all my friends in my arms.

"We have to make a run for it," I told them. "We have to sleep with Mother and Daddy tonight. 'Cause we will be safe with them. Plus they won't even know we're there probably. 'Cause their bed is the size of a king."

I stood on the side of my bed. Then I jumped way out to the middle of the floor. And I quick picked up Raggedy Ruth.

I ran to Mother and Daddy's room.

They were sleeping and snoring.

"Shh," I said to Raggedy Larry.

"Shh," I said to Philip Johnny Bob.

Then all of us crawled down the middle of their bed. And we sneaked under their covers.

Only too bad for me. 'Cause Mother rolled right over on Philip Johnny Bob's trunk. And it waked her right up.

She turned on the light.

I did a gulp.

"Hello. How are you today? Me and my friends are sleeping here. 'Cause we didn't think you'd mind, probably."

Mother carried me back to my room zippity quick.

Then she leaned close to my ear. And she talked very scary with her teeth closed.

"Do... not... get... out... of... bed... one... more... time," she said.

And so guess what?

I didn't.